Grief. It’s different for each person. It’s unique to each person you lose in your life and isn’t limited to death. When we lose someone so familiar to us, so close to our hearts something happens to us. It happens to our whole body. Giving yourself room to grieve the way you need to is so important. Don’t under estimate the power of a good grief therapist, going outside, or just taking some time to stop and feel. When your heart is broken like any other part of your body, you need to allow you body to do the work of healing and you may need a little extra help to do so. Broken bones need a cast and physical therapy to get back to normal. Your heart needs the same. Although you will never be the same, you need to heal and learn how to cope with every wave that comes.

For me, losing my mother felt like labor. If you don’t know, labor is a very intensive process. When a baby is born it doesn’t just magically appear in your arms. The mother labors to bring the baby into this world. She has to go through pain in order to receive what she has been waiting for. The contractions that come are hard to bear and the pain is more intense each time a contraction comes. This is what it felt like for me. This time, I felt contractions in my chest and not my uterus. I can tell you one thing. With out a doubt. My heart has never broken like it has this time. The pain is so intense. No words can describe it. Just like I believe you are never truly ready to be a parent, you are never truly ready to loose some one you love. Now, it is time for me to do the work. I have to work through each wave. I have to work through each part that comes with grief. And just like labor I know I have to be ready for each contraction when it comes. It’s funny how death and life are so closely paired. With each one, joy comes, but of course you are still meant to endure the pain.

The way I have been finding myself coping with the loss of my mother has been through prayer, spending time with myself and God, writing, getting outside, yoga, dance, sleeping, crying… A LOT, therapy, and pushing to build my creative mussel again. We don’t always have to see pain as a negative thing. Pain can propel us to do great things. Now, as I reach my goals, my mother will be with me every step of the way.

I would like to share with you all the speech I wrote for my mother’s memorial service. I was determined to write out these words and share them with my family and friends. I worked on this speech night and day. Some days I was able to get through it and others days I had no idea how I was going to read it. It was so hard for me. Another way I was able to cope. By doing hard things. I hope that as you read my speech you can feel encouraged and know that you are not alone. Grief meets us all. One way or another and in different ways. You are capable.

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My Speech to Mami

My dearest Mami,

Today, I stand before our cherished family and friends to honor you, the woman whose love was as fierce as it was boundless.

You were a beacon of strength and a guardian for those fortunate enough to know you.

Your faith was unwavering, your prayers a constant embrace that guided me through my days. I can remember you praying for me and my sisters every morning before school, and the soothing rhythm of your voice as you read me the Psalms to help me fall asleep every night.

Your compassion and generosity knew no bounds. You had a heart for single mothers, a flame I carry in my own heart today.

You would pick up random people off the street and bring them to our small church that you and my father started in the basement of our home. Hospitality was your gift, and you extended it freely, offering a plate of food to anyone who would accept it or not.

You were a Pastor, a Prophet, a devoted wife, and the fervent intercessor for your three daughters. You baptized in the name of Jesus, and I can still feel the strong impact of your fervent spiritual battles for us. It shows in the way I care and give to others today. You sowed a seed in the hearts of my sisters and me, the most precious seed of all—Jesus.

Thank you, Mami, for gifting me with Jesus.

Thank you for leading my father, Eddy Tejada, to Jesus.

Through you, we have become the resilient individuals we are today.

Today, in the presence of our beloved family and friends, I humbly ask for your forgiveness, Mommy. Forgive me for any pain I may have caused you in my imperfection. We navigated life together, imperfectly, and I’m sorry if my shortcomings ever wounded you.

You did your best, and I am profoundly grateful for every moment—the joys, the struggles, and the lessons. They shaped me into the person I am today, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Mami, there was always one thing that I struggled to understand about you. I couldn’t comprehend the depth of the pain you carried, nor why it seemed impossible for you to release it. I wished, with all my heart, that I could have taken that burden for you. It lingered for far too long.

I prayed fervently for the healing of your heart, mind, and soul. And though I still couldn’t fully grasp the reasons, I trusted that God did. I put it in the hands of God.
I find solace in knowing God knew. But Oh, how I wish I could have taken it from you… I couldn’t, but I know God did.

Now, you have found your eternal rest in the arms of Jesus.

I may not comprehend the timing or the circumstances, but I hold fast to this truth: this world was never your final destination, and God’s ways surpass my understanding.

You’ve left me with the greatest gift of all—Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. I am sheltered. I am covered.

You continue to love me fiercely, now from above. You advocate for me, you watch over me.

You are unburdened and cradled in the arms of our Savior. He has tenderly wiped away all your tears, and there is no more sorrow, no more pain, no more sickness for you. You’ve been given a new, radiant body, and the former things have passed away. Not you! Your legacy endures.

My sisters and I will carry your torch, loving without reservation, breaking free from any generational weights we may bear.

We dedicate our lives to showcasing the love of Jesus by simply being loving, compassionate, generous, and hospitable. Later, passing the torch on to our children.

Love boundlessly now, Mommy, and never bear hurt again.
Please give my warmest regards to Tia and tell her I miss her dearly. Embrace all those you’ve held in your heart through moments of mourning now.

Philippians 1:6 says this

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

This isn’t farewell. I am confident that the good work that you began will be carried out to completion. I love you with all my heart, Mami. My warrior of the truth.

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Spanish

Mi querida mami,

Hoy me presento ante nuestros queridos familiares y amigos para honrarte, la mujer cuyo amor fue tan feroz como ilimitado.

Fuiste un faro de fortaleza y un guardián para aquellos que tuvieron la suerte de conocerte.

Tu Fé, fue inquebrantable, y tus constantes oraciones me guiaron a través de mis días. Puedo recordarte orando por mí y por mis hermanas todas las mañanas antes de ir a la escuela, y el ritmo tranquilizador de tu voz mientras me leías los Salmos para ayudarme a conciliar el sueño todas las noches.

Tu compasión y generosidad no tuvieron límites. Tenías un corazón para las madres solteras, un legado y llama que hoy llevo en mi propio corazón.

Recogías a personas de la calle y las llevabas a nuestra pequeña iglesia que tú y mi padre comenzaron en el sótano de nuestra casa, la hospitalidad era tu don y lo ofrecías libremente sin esperar nada a cambio y brindabas un plato de comida a cualquiera que lo aceptara o no.

Fuiste pastora, profeta, esposa devota y ferviente intercesora por tus tres hijas, Tu bautizaste en el nombre de Jesús y todavía puedo sentir el fuerte impacto de tus fervientes batallas espirituales por nosotros. Se nota en la forma en que me preocupo y doy a los demás hoy, sembraste una semilla en el corazón de mis hermanas y el mío, la semilla más preciosa de todas: Jesús.

Gracias mami por regalarme a Jesús.

Gracias por guiar a mi padre, Eddy Tejada, a Jesús.

A través de ti, nos hemos convertido en las personas resilientes que somos hoy.

Hoy, en presencia de nuestros queridos familiares y amigos, te pido humildemente perdón, mami. Perdóname por cualquier dolor que te haya causado en mi imperfección.

Navegamos la vida juntas, de manera imperfecta, y lamento si mis defectos alguna vez te hirieron.

Hiciste lo mejor que pudiste y estoy profundamente agradecida por cada momento: las alegrías, las luchas y las lecciones que me convirtieron en la persona que soy hoy, y no cambiaría nada.

Mami, siempre hubo una cosa que me costó entender; y era la profundidad del dolor que llevabas, y por qué te parecía imposible liberarlo. Deseaba, con todo mi corazón, haber podido asumir esa carga por ti, carga que duro demasiado tiempo.

Oré mucho por la curación de tu corazón, mente y alma, y aunque no pude entender completamente las razones, confié en que Dios sí. Lo puse en manos de Dios.

Encuentro consuelo en saber que Dios lo sabía, pero cómo desearía haberte quitado eso… No pude, pero sé que Dios lo hizo.

Ahora has encontrado tu descanso entre los brazos de Jesús.

Puede que no comprenda el momento o las circunstancias, pero me aferro a esta verdad: este mundo nunca fue tu destino final, y los caminos de Dios sobrepasan mi comprensión.

Me has dejado el regalo más grande de todos: Jesús y el poder del Espíritu Santo, Se que estoy protegida y cubierta.

Sigue amándome ferozmente, ahora desde arriba, me defiendes y me cuidas.

Estás descansando y acunada en los brazos de nuestro Salvador, él ha enjuagado con ternura todas tus lágrimas, ya no hay más tristeza, ni más dolor, ni más enfermedad para ti. Se te ha dado un cuerpo nuevo y radiante, y las cosas anteriores han pasado. ¡No tú! Tu legado perdura.

Mis hermanas y yo llevaremos tu antorcha, amando sin reservas, liberándonos de cualquier peso generacional que podamos soportar.

Dedicando nuestras vidas a mostrar el amor de Jesús simplemente siendo amorosas, compasivas, generosas y hospitalarias, pasando el legado a nuestros hijos.

Ama sin límites ahora, mami, y nunca más sufras dolor.

Por favor, dale mis más cordiales saludos a Tia y dile que la extraño muchísimo, abraza ahora a todos aquellos que ha perdido y has mantenido en tu corazón durante momentos de duelo.

Filipenses 1:6 dice esto,

“estando seguro de esto: que el que comenzó en vosotros la buena obra, la perfeccionará hasta el día de Cristo Jesús.”

Esto no es una despedida. Estoy segura de que el buen trabajo que tu comenzaste se llevara a cabo hasta su finalización. Te amo con todo mi corazón Mami. Mi guerrera de la verdad.

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I would like to give a huge shout out to my family, friends, and community! All those who showed up in any way shape or form. I am not strong without those who come around me. Your support has helped lift me out of the ashes. I haven’t felt alone for one second. I’m grateful for every prayer, every donation, every message, every phone call, and every hug. It means more than you know. I love you all!