In my body I have a master

I bow down when she comes around

In my body I’m a disaster

I break down when you shake the ground

Every time I stand to leave my cage

In my broken body I stay

I want to love like a man

I’ll build you a home when I can

Give my new body a chance

Patient now it’s all that I have

I fought the world for your hand

I fought the world for your hand

Give my new body a chance

Give my new body a chance

It’s all I have

In my body I fight fire

With the snow, my hell is cold

In my body I have a soft light

Burning low, but too hot to hold

I’ve become the only thing I hate

Leave this broken body today

I want to love like a man

I’ll build you a home when I can

Give my new body a chance

Patient now it’s all that I have

I fought the world for your hand

I fought the world for your hand

Give my new body a chance

Oh, give my new body a chance

I was hearing words in black and white

Twisted up inside my broken mind

Outstretched dirty hands just like a child

Hungry little fool, but you were mine

You’re all I have

You’re all I have

Give my new body a chance

Give my new body a chance

Lyrics by SYML

These lyrics inspired me so much to want to write about something that is rarely addressed. I heard these words and they immediately took me back to the place when I was struggling after having my first child. Not just the struggle within myself, but struggles I was having with my spouse as well. For me, theses lyrics reminded me of the silent struggle that happens between a woman and her spouse after child birth.

Body image and intimacy after child birth is something that many do not talk about. It is something so deep and profound and I feel is something that needs to be addressed in our society today. Because we already put so much emphasis on body image in society today women struggle with these changes with their body’s after giving birth to a child. Many men can never understand these changes and this is where intimacy can be affected.

After birth a woman’s body goes through radical change. So much change in fact that it takes up to a year for a woman’s body to normalize. During this time it is difficult for a women to find herself again. It’s as if women go through an accelerated form of puberty. And in this time it may be difficult for a woman to be intimate with her spouse. Not because she doesn’t want to be but because she may not be feeling like herself, even well after childbirth. It is a time full of anxieties and life changes. All added with many physical changes. Hormones are trying to regulate and may take more time if breastfeeding. Breastfeeding can also bring up different feelings for different women for when they get intimate with their partner. Not to mention that we are just exhausted for most of the beginning of the baby’s life. Some women want to have their babies close together in age which can bring on more added stress to her body. There are so many factors that hone in after child birth that can disrupt intimacy for couples.

I feel that during this time men get completely confused with all the change. Even more than the woman herself. How can they possibly understand? They are still the same. Their body didn’t change one bit. During this time men need to be very intentional with their spouse and take a long pause. It is a difficult time for a woman and it may be very difficult to understand or relate but If men just slow down and take their time with a woman and help her find herself again it can make all the difference. Men should try as hard as they can to get into their woman’s shoes.

I believe this is a man’s struggle after child birth. How can they possibly understand something that they can never relate to because they can never experience any of it. It is very difficult to empathize with a woman during child birth especially for a man. Men struggle with how to support their spouse in this difficult time for her. Ladies we have to admit, it can’t be easy.

When I was pregnant my dula gave me the best advice. She said that after child birth a woman should be dedicated to taking care of the child and that the man should be dedicated to taking care of the woman.

I believe this is absolutely great advice. It’s all about team work. Men, this can be a confusing time but just lean in. Get creative! Help your spouse get back to that place of intimacy with you. Do not be afraid to open up some dialogue about how she is feeling. Ask her how she feels about herself. Maybe she’s not comfortable doing the same things she did before the baby. Try NEW things. Explore new worlds. Help her care for herself. Offer her a spa day, and most importantly make time for one another. Set up a date night where you can spend time with one another with out the baby. Spending time with one another alone without the baby still counts as intimacy. Most importantly be patient. It’s a time of many changes for the both of you. Don’t get lost in all the confusion.

I think it is so important to talk about this topic. Because my parent’s generation were not talkers they have enabled us in this area. Times are changing and so is the way families work. Every family dynamic is different but these are things that should be talked about so that people do not feel alone in these issues and so that we are able to know how to address these issues as they arise.

Please feel free to comment below! Let’s open up the dialogue on this topic! Let’s talk about it.